WEBVTT

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 What is the most difficult thing about being a guitarist?

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 You know, I always thought about myself that I'm a sad person.

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 I think I told you that when I turned 18, my friends bought me a guitar.

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 And the first song I've learned was a sad song, because I just thought to myself,

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 what else am I supposed to learn?

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 So can you tell me why you came to Istanbul?

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 To get lost.

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 to get lost

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 and

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 in the same time to

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 find myself This is so erotic I'm filming. I

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 Tried to make a scene, but it didn't work. So I I was supposed to put this this one but you know it's just like stocking and stuff and we can stop laughing and it's too erotic and poor

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 but do it put it on now put it on why are you so serious when you put it on

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 Wow

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 Erotic scene. Why do you need to find yourself?

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 Don't you?

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 Like, I just have this need, I don't know,

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 to get to know myself more and to let myself be more myself you know like

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 coming from a small town is not that easy let's say because you're getting used to

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 knowing each other and you're trying to fit in

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 when you're trying to fit in. When you're lost, nobody cares, actually.

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 Nobody cares where you're from, what you're doing here.

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 What's your purpose?

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 Why do you behave in a specific way or not?

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 So yeah, it's like freedom, you know?

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 So where are we even going now?

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 Where are we going?

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 Yes.

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 To Meshra.

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 What is Meshra?

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 It's a nice place. if i i get to know your name

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 and i could trace your private number baby You know, like, the first time when I felt weird about myself was when I found out that

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 I was queer.

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 And I didn't know how to cope back then, you know, but I knew that it's normal thing somehow,

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 like back then I didn't know about how society thinks about my kind.

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 Yeah, when you get to know how some people might think about you, you just kind of censor

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 yourself.

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 Being here, like when I came here I just had like these expectations that I'm gonna be

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 like so queer now that because queer more or less defines my identity and it was the first time here when I've been to a queer club

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 and I love the Turkish drag queens for example

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 I also love my Romanian ones

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 but the drag queens here are so smart and campy

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 they're so inspiring

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 that's what I want

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 I want.

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 I want to be inspired.

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 I want to get to know as much as possible.

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 I'm not a fan of stereotypes.

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 I don't try to fit in somewhere.

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 I just want to be me. Is it that much to ask?

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 On Spotify.

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 Behind the scenes. Yeah! That much to ask?

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 I'd say it gives me some hope

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 and some courage to

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 try to be a little bit more of myself because

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 the cool thing about drag is that you can just give me someone else you can have your new persona and it can be whoever you couldn't have been in in your like normal life let's say and that's why

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 that place somehow

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 keeps me coming back

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 I feel a little bit more of myself there

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 I can be free in some sort of way

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 I can just dance I mean it's not just like that I can't, I

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 do, I did, I danced and I just feel like okay maybe I can do that one time you

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 know like maybe I can do drag maybe I can put a wig on and have some fun and express maybe my femininity maybe my masculinity like i believe like

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 i believe that guys who are doing drag have more balls than any other like straight guy

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 because those straight guys don't get to be criticized, you know?

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 They don't get to be stigmatized and judged.

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 So yeah, drag queens have balls, yeah.

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 They do.

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 I didn't check but they do.

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 The first night when I came to Istanbul, I asked myself, why the fuck am I here? And I was like so

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 lonely in a hostel room, maybe I can show you. And it didn't make sense back then, but

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 after a while it makes so much sense. you you